Dropping a can of cranberries on your big toe?
by Dan Carey and Mark Peters


What's a scandal?
To eat feet

Where is heaven?
At home

Where is hell?
At the house

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To make a left hand turn

What are power tools for?
Eating

What is true love?
Hugs

What is true hate?
I hate you

What is fair?
Erie county fair

What is unfair?
Roller coaster

What's in outer space?
Mars

What's in the basement?
Whiskey

Do you know the value of money?
No

How can I make love last?
With a necklace on

What do ducks do?
Go up

What do gerbils do?
Go down

What should I do with my life?
Pull hair

What's the cure for cancer?
Blood

What's the cure for AIDS?
Choking

How does the brain work?
OK

What's beautiful?
Clouds

What's ugly?
Teeth

What is language?
School

Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
The egg

Where do eggs come from?
The chicken

What do chickens think about?
Saying bye bye

What is the name which cannot be named?
Artie

What are memories made of?
Hitting

Who invented the toaster?
Daddy invented the toaster in 1955

Who invented the piano?
Daddy invented the piano in 1963

Who invented jello?
Bill Cosby invented jello in 1970

Who invented sand?
Bob Koop invented sand in 1963

Who invented bacon?
Carol Jasen invented bacon in 1970

Who invented religion?
Dan Rather invented religion in 1970

Who invented medicine?
Richard Dawson invented medicine in 1966

Who invented the alphabet?
Cheryl Tiegs invented the alphabet in 1969

Who invented philosophy?
Jan Sager invented philosophy in 1967

What do geese do?
Fart

What do geese think about?
Going up and down

What do geese love?
Water What do geese hate?
Poop

What are geese scared of?
Pine cones

What do geese dream of?
Falling down

What do geese eat?
Crackers

What do geese say?
Hi

What's special?
Burger King is special

What's rancid?
Windows

Why?
It's cold outside

What's superb?
Sunday

What's terrific?
Tuesday

What's marvelous?
Monday

What's horrible?
Yelling because the radio on the bus is broken

What's tasty?
Hot dogs are tasty

What's supernatural?
Sand is supernatural

What's embarrassing?
Noises

What's practical?
Jokes

What's your price?
$65.00

Does size matter?
No

Is dancing ability important?
No

What is a scandal?
Eating hands

Why?
It's a poor choice

Who eats hands?
Jack Anthony

Whose hands does he eat?
Jeffery Joseph Walter's hands

Why does Jack do it?
It's a nice choice

What's a good choice?
Brushing your teeth

What's a bad choice?
Threatening to punch the teacher

What's a weird choice?
Touching yourself inappropriately

What's a great choice?
Cleaning the tables

What's a disturbing choice?
Hitting people

What's a wonderful choice?
Going in the pool

What's a disgusting choice?
Sucking your thumb

Are men or women smarter?
Women are smarter

Are men or women stinkier?
Women are stinkier

Who invented apple sauce?
Wink Martindale invented apple sauce in 1966

Who invented juggling?
Ron Howard invented juggling in 1985

Who invented bagels?
Glen Walker invented bagels in 1966

Who invented the flag?
Carol Kaplan invented the flag in 1976

Who invented glue?
Jamie Farr invented glue in 1975

Who invented toilet paper?
Leeza Gibbons invented toilet paper in 1963

Who invented the power drill?
Scott Levin invented the power drill in 1970

Who invented napping?
Wayne Rogers invented napping in 1963

Who invented coffee?
Paul Beck invented coffee in 1969

Who is Paul Beck?
A man from Ch. 4

Who is Mr. Spock?
A boy from Star Trek

What does Mr. Spock say?
Stop that

What does Mr. Spock love?
Mr. Spock loves Charlie's Angels

What does Mr. Spock hate?
Mr. Spock hates fighting on Star Trek

What does Mr. Spock dream about?
Mr. Spock dreams about hitting on Star Trek

Where do puppies come from?
School

Where do kittens come from?
Grandma's house

Where do babies come from?
The woods

Where do ponies come from?
The rug

What's your price?
$5.00

What's your sign?
Your sign says US 62 North Niagara Falls left turn only

What should I teach?
Math

What is the greatest pleasure?
The Greatest American Hero is a pleasure for you

What's gorgeous?
The weather is gorgeous says Mike Randall

What's fabulous?
Game shows are fabulous

What's a secret?
Charlie's Angels is a secret

What do socks taste like?
Diet Pepsi

What do shoes taste like?
Milk

What is edible?
Doughnuts

What is not edible?
Glue

What's cool?
Pretty is cool

What sucks?
Sand sucks

What do you love?
The lady wearing silver with the OB tampon

What do you hate?
Wild mushrooms

What's your price?
$39.00

What is a goat-boy?
Scary

What is pus?
Touching

How do you make cheesecake?
By making flour

How do you make flour?
By making playdough

How do you make playdough?
By making salt

How do you make salt?
By making banana bread

How do you make banana bread?
By eating it

What is painful?
Pins

What is healthy?
Chocolate milk

Paper or plastic?
Plastic

Window or aisle?
Aisle

Pxfmntl?
Toxic

Mmmmmm?
No

Xptlllpmnc?
No

Fxytmncxz?
No

Cheese?
No

Did you fart?
No

What's good to eat?
Pickles

What's bad to eat?
Green twinkies

What's a scandal?
To eat a man's feet


Pub. Feb. 2000

DRC